In a foreign body: Nature is not infallible either and sometimes assigns the wrong cover to the gender that is felt deep inside. For transgender people, assimilation is a nerve-wracking journey with a longed-for goal. Two students talk about it via blog and YouTube.
NO “GAY ADVANCED LEVEL 2”
by Evelyn Toma
Felicia noticed early on that she felt somehow different. She was jealous of her cousins' clothes, she was always somehow dissatisfied with her body. She has now been studying psychology in Berlin for two years. When she started, her name was Felix and she was in the body of a young man. Today, at the age of 21, she is in the middle of the transition (= gender reassignment process) and is enjoying finally being perceived as the woman she has always been on the inside.
Family and friends reacted overwhelmingly positively when Felicia told them about her female identity. Nevertheless, they were surprised: “Many people have never heard of it before.” That's why she would like children to learn that something like this exists. She hopes that some people can save themselves many years of self-discovery and thus a lot of suffering. Because the depression and suicide rates among trans people are very high. Felicia sees one reason for this in the fact that the topic is hardly discussed. To make things better for herself, she started the blog “Transformational Tomorrow” when she started her hormone treatment. There she reports step by step about her journey to herself. She also writes down her thoughts during the many “first times”. For example, what it was like to go shopping for a bra for the first time, with advice and everything.
Her blog is above all a source of information - also for people who are not trans*. For example, Felicia explains what is wrong with the sentence “So you are a man who becomes a woman.” She has always been a woman and is now a woman who adjusts her body.
“Some people think trans women are something like 'gay advanced level 2'. So so super gay that you're already a woman." Felicia laughs, because she's never actually been into men. The blog title “Transformational Tomorrow” sounds like a vision of the future. Felicia's wish: To no longer have to think about her gender. She suffers from gender dysphoria, a depression-like symptom that is very common among trans people. The reason for this is that you don't feel comfortable in your body because it doesn't correspond to your gender.
Being a woman - even if you long for it - is not always beautiful. It's weird when guys stare at her butt, says Felicia. It is also suddenly noticeable that women's products in the drugstore are more expensive than those for men. Sexism is probably experienced even more consciously when you know both sides.
She still has her baptismal name Felix on official documents, because changing her gender and name on paper can take up to two years in Germany. She therefore wrote an email to her lecturers and explained the situation in order to avoid unpleasant situations. Felicia also campaigns for education and unisex toilets at the university. After completing her transition, she wants to continue using the blog for such forms of activism.
ARRIVED AS A GUY
by Christiane Kürschner
When Nikolai stands in front of the mirror, he is amazed at how hair can sprout everywhere. You can feel like a pubescent teenager. The hormones alone are to blame - except that Nick, as he is called, doesn't produce them himself, but gets injected four times a year.
Three years ago, Nick made an application video to introduce himself to potential au pair families in the USA. It featured a tomboyish girl with copper-red hair. This first video laid the foundation for the YouTube channel “YourFunnyMonkey ”. Since then, everyone has been able to experience his journey from woman to man.
The architecture student went to Boston outwardly as a woman. “Back then, the children in my host family accidentally addressed me as 'he', even though they didn't know anything about it,” says the 23-year-old. For him it was a sign that he was noticeably radiating what he had been inside for a long time. “I've always been a man, but admitting it is a long process,” he explains. “It took me half a year before I could say the fact out loud without feeling bad.”
During his au pair year, with a great emotional and spatial distance from his home in North Rhine-Westphalia, he made the final decision that he wanted to live as a man. His host parents take it in stride and he starts anew back in Germany. His life begins with studying and moving to Erfurt. Nobody here knows their old self. He contacts the university before the start of the semester. Together with the administration, he ensures that he is listed under his future male first name from the start. Everyone, including the professors, was very open about the situation, says Nick.
During his studies he started hormone therapy. Little by little the body changes, the voice becomes deeper, the face becomes wider and the hips become narrower. “As you increase your testosterone every month, shopping for clothes becomes a more satisfying experience,” reports Nick enthusiastically.
With a lot of effort to the new you
His ID cards now also show his male name, as well as his male gender. Even the birth certificate was rewritten. But none of this happens overnight. Nick had to submit many applications and undergo examinations. Reports were written by psychotherapists and statements by various doctors, and even a court hearing was necessary. Lifelong opposite-sex hormone therapy also had to be approved by the health insurance company. Later, mastectomy – the removal of the female breast – was also approved. “It felt good to fight for it. “It was the best decision of my life,” says Nick about the long and nerve-wracking journey to his male self.
His new circle of friends in Erfurt only knows him as Nick. Only he sometimes notices that he was socialized as a girl after all. When he is alone among men, he sometimes lacks the necessary skills. How do guys actually greet each other? A typical situation in which he becomes insecure. A simple ghetto fist is far from enough. He discusses things like this on his YouTube channel, for example. It was a long way from the application video for the au pair year to the vlog for transgender issues. “I arrived as a guy,” says Nick.
Felicia and Nick talk about their transsexuality via blog and YouTube.
