Smile beats :)

April 15, 2015

Are you investing more time on dating apps instead of a real person? Is your cell phone your most loyal friend? Without internet you get shortness of breath? Then you are exactly right here. In a few minutes you will sit back and smile with relief. Promised. Everything will be fine.

And suddenly I see this email in the “Other” folder on Facebook. A friendly request if I would like to write a text about “Friendship, Love and Sex in the Internet Age”. For a university magazine. I. I, the college dropout who, after a semester of business administration, quickly left the Siegen campus without a single clue or clue to become a journalist as a career changer. I, a Berliner by choice, am supposed to explain to the students who are 15 years younger than me about life on campus. Me, the childless single woman from Prenzlauer Berg, a model district for couples, who should know something about love that works. Me, who knows all about sexting, digital cheating and dating apps and yet hasn't had a serious relationship in eight years. Me, who to date has had five long-time friends terminate their friendship via email.

Dear girls, dear boys, I believe I am exactly the right person for you. What do you want to know? Ask me anything, because my worst and most embarrassing experiences should help you. May my failure inspire you. And if you are suffering right now, at the end of this text you will breathe a sigh of relief and know: you are not alone. Learn from me because I'm now writing down everything I know about "Friendship, Love and Sex in the Internet Age".

Friendship

Excellent! Really, because without the internet and smartphones we wouldn't have any friends anymore. How the hell are we supposed to keep in touch? With your old school friends abroad, those at other universities and everyone who is already working? How should we communicate if not via email, chat and SMS? Without social communities, we would no longer know anything about other people's lives, where they go on vacation, what their current affairs are like, their dormitory, their chaotic desks. Without social sharing, we wouldn't know what songs, movies, magazines, and celebrities our friends like, what funny videos they laughed at last, and where they partied on the weekend. That would be a shame, wouldn't it?

Love

Brilliant! Because let's be honest, love in the pre-internet age was really horrible. Our grandparents met while dancing and only knew their addresses because landline telephones were expensive. They stay married for the rest of their lives, at most they cheated with their neighbor, and to this day they don't really know what this internet and constant cell phone typing is actually supposed to be. Our divorced parents are more familiar with this, but are awkward when it comes to online dating. They carefully read spam emails and write text messages that either sound like instruction manuals or are peppered with silly smileys and exclamation marks. And we? Shine on all the online stages of love. We maintain long-distance relationships thanks to Skype, chat with our sweetheart in lectures or in the cafeteria, and easily arrange dates and vacations via WhatsApp. What good is love without the internet? Even. YOLO.

sex

Oh yes, how good we have it! Thanks to filter functions and total fearlessness, we send naked photos and secret dirty talk. We cheat on our current affair digitally with a handful of fellow student flirts. We keep our long-distance relationships with partners in London or Lüneburg busy via Skype sex and have polyamorous, open or no relationships. Without smartphones and the Internet, we would literally be left high and dry sexually. Without YouTube porn, self-made sex tapes and bikini bridge selfies on the beach.

Am I serious about all of this? Yes. My phone is full of lewd photos and I have screenshots of naughty text messages saved for moments of longing or self-doubt. Or to prove the unrestrained decline of our privacy.

I met all of my last five affair men via Facebook, through mutual digital friends or because I use three-year-old and extremely beautiful profile photos. At the same time, I flirt with a variety of men, including men who are married, in a committed relationship or who are otherwise unlovable. Unreachable, but digitally just a second away.

I can only maintain my dozen friendships thanks to the internet and smartphone, because most of them can hardly be reached by phone anymore thanks to children. If my father once again makes a comment with five exclamation points!!!!! wrote, I help my mom flirt at ElitePartner, I Facetime with my nephew or I watch “Sherlock” on Netflix at the same time, I research Benedict Cumberbatch’s CV on the tablet and at the same time write to a friend that she absolutely has to watch it – In moments like this I really shake my head and wish I could go back to 1999.

The year I enrolled in Siegen. The year I typed claraott@web.de in the URL line. The year I got my first cell phone, a Samsung with a two-line display. The year when I thought the whole world was open to me with business studies. The year when I drove from East Westphalia to Siegen in the car with a map in the passenger seat, only to lose my belief in myself as an academic.

Dear girls and boys, I really envy you that you lead a life at university or technical college, with free WiFi in your dormitory, cell phone reception in the auditorium, millions of flirting options, full freedom of choice and the whole world a second away. Take advantage of these options, but don't waste your life staring at displays. Differentiates between funny videos and serious communication. Leave the multi-tasking chatting in the cafeteria and devote yourself to eating food and your counterpart. Realize that the best time of your life never comes, but is always here and now. Enjoy learning, don't be afraid of exams, stand confidently and upright and relax your neck, which is always tilted towards the glowing display.

Right now you are reading these lines in a printed magazine. All around you they are staring into smartphones and monitors, but who is looking into your eyes? They say a smile is the shortest connection between two people. That's correct. And no ;-) can keep up with that. This is what I learned about “Friendship, Love and Sex in the Internet Age.”